Chinglish

Every few weeks one of my friends sends me something from this website

they are funny and sometimes when I walk around, I will see a sign that makes me laugh and take a picture of it. I lost my favorite, which was a reminder to not squat, but sit, on the toilet seat.

My students don't ask what Chinglish is, and if they did I don't know if it would be polite for me to say "How you speak English"
but talking with them I realized that they do not view their English as Chinglish. I guess I don't view my Chinese in this light either, but it made me think their are a few kinds of Chinglish.

1. How the Chinese speak English

This is the one I think of when I hear the word, and teaching I spend most of my day hearing and correcting it. It is mostly an exact translation of how they speak Chinese and therefore I find it pretty helpful in learning their language, because it allows me to see how they form sentences, how they get around using prepositions, as well as their word choice.

2. My Chinese

I guess this would be the opposite of their english. But I guess the Chinese don't consider this Chinglish because it would entail consider their english as such. Also their is the issue that native English speaking foreigners aren't the only foreigners here, so can it still be Chinglish if I am from Germany and speaking Chinese.

3. Translation of Chinese Idioms

Whenever my middle school students would say one, everyone in the class would laugh and say "Chinglish", so I assume this is what they believe to be Chinglish. Chinese people of all ages seem to laugh, especially when I say them.

ie. 我给你一些色， 看看 （wo gei ni yi xie se, kankan)
Chinglish: I'll give you some color, see see
meaning: I'll beat you up, I'll hit you

笨蛋（ben dan)
Chinglish: stupid egg
Meaning: you are stupid

This seems a lot like the first category , and I guess you could argue that all my categories could be considered part of the first category because they are things Chinese people say in English. The difference to me is a chinese person would only say these things to other chinese, not a foreigner.
In class they might mess up and say "You very stupid" instead of saying "You are stupid" because of they don't use linking verbs in chinese, but they would never say "you are a stupid egg".

4. Simple English expressions

Some english words are simple, common, and thus have become part of everyday Chinese speech, such as OK, Hello, and Bye Bye.
It seems like it is the cool think to do now in Shanghai to say "Bye Bye" instead of "zai Jian" (the chinese for the same thing)

4a. often the english in the Chinese will be combined, especially by cab drivers. They will say OK but add 吗 (ma) at the end to make it a question. or add 了 (le). I love saying "Bye Bye le" when saying goodbye to chinese people.

4b. When you only know one word in English, "Hello" repeated as many times as you need, means anything you want it to mean
ie. "Hello"
"Look at what I am selling"
"Buy what I am selling"
"Give me money because you are foreign"
"Aren't you tired of this whole Brett Favre fiasco?"
" Why are you walking away"


5. English words translated into Chinese

words like hamburger, didn't exist in China, before McDonalds set up shop here. So they had to create a word for it. Chinese people can not say Hamburger because they think that the actual word is their translation "hambaobao"

6. Words to which their are no translation yet.

There are so many new words entering the chinese language as they become more globalized that many 1 character words have become 2 characters so they can be differentiated, because there are only so many sounds in the language. Sometimes they don't even bother giving a word a translation or transliteration.

I can't think of an example of the top of my head, but Chinese people will be talking in chinese and all of a sudden they will slip in an English word. It will surprise me and I will look at them and they will laugh and say in chinese "the foreigner is trying to understand us"

California Uptight Band by Flatts and Scruggs

After losing all my music when my hard drive died, some friends gave me their collections. I have a lot of songs again and look forward to listening to them, heard "California Uptight Band" for the first time a couple days ago. I don't know how I lasted this long without hearing this song before. One of my favorite bluegrass bands singing a song about the Grateful Dead. (at least that's who I like to think it is about)

Mascots

Concerning the Shanghai World Expo, 

Maybe I'm old school, but I want to go back to a time when World Expo's didn't need mascots, when people decided to go to World Expo's because of the exhibits and architecture. When people would go to ride a ferris wheel for the first time. Or view the eiffel tower.  If you want to get kids to go, start calling it a fair again. 

But who needs a mascot, especially one that doesn't even remind me of World expos, but toothpaste commercials and dentist appointments.

As for the Olympics, 

its one of the greatest sporting events ever, if you can't get excited about nations competing against one another, you probably aren't going to tune in because of five mascots.*

As for the Steelers,

 I hope the bizarro Village Person Steely McBeem that they called a mascot last year never rears it ugly head again. Perhaps the Steelers needed to create something horrific to balance out the universe because the 75th anniversary unis were awesome. But there is no need for the Lers to have a mascot...or cheerleaders. 

*If you are going to have them you might as well make money off them. You can't just buy one of the mascots as a stuffed animal or gift, you have to get all five, or else chinese girlfriends  throw a tantrum about not loving them enough (so I've heard). 

Easiest job in Shanghai

My first day in Shanghai I reached the intersection of two streets and waited for the light to turn red, when it did the crossing guard blew his whistle and I began to cross the street only to stop a second later as I had to dodge a few bikes, then some mopeds, then some cars. That was also the last time I listened to a crossing guard here. 

I've realized that the crossing guards seem to have two jobs. The first is that they ONLY stop bikes going straight. Not bikes or mopeds turning left or right, not cars turning left or right, and sometimes not even the bikes going straight. Leaving me, the pedestrian, to fend for myself while crossing the street. 

Originally I thought because in America, the crossing guard helps you cross the street that the ones here  would stop these vehicles, giving me the right of way when the little green man is lit. Whether because everything is different here, or more likely, there are so many people, his second job is actually to keep people on the sidewalk, before the lights change and the green man signals I can risk my life crossing the street. 

Because he doesn't make it any easier to cross the street and the pedestrians are forced to look after themselves, no one listens to the crossing guard. People stand on the street ignoring the crossing guards whistles to get on the sidewalk, people cross the street whenever they feel like it. 

The only time people or drivers listen to the crossing guards is when the cops, people with actual authority, are directing traffic. 

So there is no requirement that they do their two jobs, and during rush hour  cops do it for them. The hardest part of their day seems to be standing outside in the hot weather. 

Though it can't be fun asking people to do something the entire day and having no one listen to you. 

*** yesterday I saw some teachers from the middle school I worked at last year, holding red flags, standing with the crossing guards. It was nice to see them, if only because they are always excited and surprised to see me. I learned that they were volunteering raising the flag each time someone didn't listen to the crossing guard and stood on the street, in order to guilt them into getting back on the sidewalk. 

I thought of two things. 1) that only works cause no one wants to lose face 2) the crossing guards have even more help doing their jobs

I've got a feeling...

I was going to write something about the Pirates, how they seem to go on a winning streak and then an even worse losing streak, how there seems to be some rule about only 1 pitcher being able to have a good season for them each year, regardless of how they did the year before. How I am one of maybe 6 fans they have left. How nothing will change for them until there is a salary cap and new ownership, how we look like we got nothing for Xavier Nady...but who cares?

 THE STEELERS SEASON HAS STARTED!!!!!!

 I'd much rather discuss what the steelers D will look like with my boy Lamarr Woodley getting to play more than 80 snaps. and the O possibly lining up in double tight end sets with willy parker and rashard mendenhall both in the backfield. 

Bring on the hardest schedule in the league.

Do we have different medical books

I've been a bit sick recently, so I haven't been on the blog. I  actually went to the hospital (no one just goes to a doctor here, just the hospital) where I was told I had an infection. Anyway I am in this room where they give everyone IVs and people in the room are also sick, so like me they are coughing. However none of them are covering their mouths when they cough. 

I always thought that we spread germs when we cough, so we should cover our mouths. I guess in China they don't feel that way. This is not something like Korean Fan Death, that I think is crazy, but funny because it is not going to affect my health. (http:/en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fan_death)

I don't want to get whatever sickness the chinese guy next to me has because he is being lazy. I thought this stuff was common knowledge. 

I can't wait to find out that no one covers their mouths when they cough because of some inane reason  like some emperor of some dynasty didn't have a hand so he couldn't cover his mouth when he coughed, and made a decree that no one would so he wouldn't feel embarrassed. Or if someone has the audacity to tell me that it is healthy. 

Another thought on Team USA

What is Jason Kidd doing on this team. Did he get grandfathered in, all any of the pundits were talking about last year is how old he is playing (and is). I guess this team was put together a few years ago when he was playing much better, but we don't need a third point guard. we have the two best in the game in Chris Paul and Deron Williams, plus D-wade, Kobe, and Maximus James's father can all bring the ball up the court. 

Maybe he brings veteran leadership, but it seems the one thing this team is lacking is height, replacing a PG with another PF or C would solve that problem. 

I'm sure Coach K knows more about it than I do though. 

Adrock is excited-rock

I just got tickets to the USA Basketball Challenge, or the exhibition matches Team USA is playing in Shanghai before the Olympics. I can't wait. 

I think I have only seen 1 or 2 NBA games live in my lifetime, and Gordon Girichek was the best player on the court. Now I get to see the "little emperor" himself Lebronious Microphonious Sphere Monk, D-Wade, Melo my man, CP三, DAREn Williams, Dwight, and the rest of the team play together.  Not only do I get to see the best players in the world , but very few people will ever get to see this team play live. 

As an added bonus they are playing Russia so I can break out all the Russian I learned in 2nd grade. If for some reason there is a need to say "Please turn the sign around" in russian I will be all over it. 

Dear Chinese Women

I realize that you don't like to tan, and so use umbrellas to keep the sun off your body. That is a good idea. However, I would appreciate if you stopped hitting me in the face with them as you walk by me. 

Your umbrella, or parasol, is not an extension of your body. It can be moved. Lifting your hand up just a few inches when you walk by me will raise the umbrella over my head, while still keeping you shaded because it will still be over your head. We both win, You stay in the shade and I don't get hit in the face by the rods on your umbrella. 

Perhaps you don't like this option because it involves too much lifting, so let me suggests some other alternatives. merely turning your wrists will change the angle of the umbrella allowing me to pass easily under or around it. Or you could switch the hand that the umbrella is in when you pass me putting the umbrella a few more inches away from my face. 

I would appreciate it, 

Adrock

PS. I also realize that when everyone in the country has straight black hair, it is hard to set yourself apart from other women. I can easily see how dyeing your hair helps achieve this goal. However stop dyeing your hair blonde. It looks terrible. 

Confused

Where are all the people playing Chinese Checkers. I've been here a year and a half and haven't seen one person play it. How does no one play the one game I associate with the Chinese. 

Crocs have taken over this country

It is not a highlight of my stay in China to walk down the street and see Middle-aged men, smoking cigarettes walking around in only their underwear, (it is an uncomfortable  side effects of the pajama party) last year these same men, were doing this in chinese sandals, or barefoot. But now they have discovered Crocs. 

I thought I left these monstrosities behind when I left the hippie infested areas of CC and music festivals, but they have found me. 

And its not just partially nude middle aged men, its everyone. They are all so happy to have caught on with the latest fashion craze, if only a year late. 

At least I got some good news

Billy Packer finally decided to stop announcing basketball games. Thank goodness. I never met anyone that liked him, yet he was able to hold the marquee position in college basketball announcing forever. It is one thing for a president to have a low approval rating, he's just the leader of the free world, but announcing the final four. CBS counts on him to bring people to the broadcast to justify their advertising costs. 

Maybe that is why he stayed on so long, whether or not he's a curmudgeon ... I'm still going to watch the Final Four. 

I've been happier in my life

When I woke up to come back to China after Derek's wedding my computer wouldn't turn on. Eventually I realized the problem was my hard drive had died. I was holding out hope that I would be able to get the information on my hard drive back (and I still hold onto that hope) but it seems China, Best Buy, Apple, and the South Korean IT specialist they sent my hard drive to for a month can't help me. 

Essentially I lost everything I've wrote and  taken a picture of in the past year and a half (or my entire experience in China) and my music, which was getting me by. Obviously I can get the music or at least most of it back, and most of the memories I have made here will last without a picture or a journal entry to jog my mind. But I am still pretty upset at myself. 

I should have been backing up my files. 

Hopefully I've learned my lesson.